matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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