i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize