hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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