I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
