I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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