I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
