When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
