Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
