Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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