Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
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