I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
