These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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