Don't make out with my wife yet
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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