Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
