There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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