sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
