South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
