pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
