I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
