Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
