My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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