Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
