he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
