Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
