is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
