she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
