it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
