My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
