you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
