Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
