did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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