I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
