Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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