my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
