a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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