If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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