just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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