just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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