ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize