thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
