You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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