weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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