i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
