I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She even gives head with a lisp.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Randomize
