don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
