Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
