I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
