We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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