One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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