Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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