i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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