How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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