My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
