I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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