He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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