I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
