totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
