Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
nutella sex= disaster
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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