Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
