Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
