Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
