Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
