Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
