I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Duck Duck Cougar?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
