I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
