thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dicks are not precious.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
